I get it AirBnb, you need a legit photo of me to make sure it's me... but 5 a.m., after Thanksgiving. I'm not even drunk, this is just painful. I slept my makeup off in a hazy turkey induced coma of sweat. I'm literally oozing gravy and cheese. LITERALLY

Sure, I shouldn't have waited until now to book a room in Eugene... during the Duck/Beav game, but if I was organized would I be a fucking comedian? STOP HOUNDING ME.

Seriously though, Tinder/Bumble/OKC up your game. Require a photo at this hour and true love does exist. No if/and/or/buts ... that's not how slashes work in grammar. They also aren't slashes.

Should I have told the hosts we're comics? That was a bad idea huh?

... ugh, why am I awake, sober, and hungry right now?