You can't sit with us!

RSVP’ing to a wedding is more than just following society’s dictation of etiquette. It’s a way of telling your friend, subtly that you would like to drink all the free booze they provide… because you just spent all your money on a ticket and hotel to meet your friend’s future spouse (who you have probably never met) and then have to pretend to find something in common with until you’re drunk enough not to care.

Love sounds so amazing when you put it this way.

On the other hand, when you don’t RSVP to a wedding … your message could be unclear. Do you not support the union? Do you just have “a feeling” the food is going to suck, and probably be all vegan? Is it too expensive to travel there? Perhaps your life is busy with kids and work and you simply forgot to do it … do you also forget to feed your children, or take them to school? Odds are this friendship was around way before you decided to have those tiny sacks of human flesh and using them as a continued excuse for your inability to show up for your friend… you think your kids are going to hold your hair back next time you get drunk on Tequila Tuesday? Fuck you Laurel.

Friendship over.

It’s one thing to not attend a wedding, that happens. They’re insanely expensive, people get sick, life happens and that is entirely understandable. What I’m talking about is that limbo-esc purgatory while we wait to send the final order to catering and now we’re ordering off the a la carte menu paying even more of a markup … so you know what? You don’t get a fork. Forks are fucking expensive.

If you’re going to act like a beast, I expect you to eat like one.

XOXO The Bride

#WATIZLOVE

Magic Mike was not a comedy

"The Kid" might as well have thrown Mike out of the car ala Pretty Woman (the original ending). That might have been less painful to watch honestly. WHY DID YOU DO IT, KID?

Now I clearly haven't seen Magic Mike XXL, but why bother? I imagine it's what would have happened after they didn't live happily ever after, and Vivian became a high-end Hollywood escort.

There's a lot of unhappily ever after in life. I see it with my friends a lot, especially lately. I think it comes with getting closer to thirty. 

Love hurts. It aches, it hurts to breathe. You feel like the pain will never stop and no one can help you...

Heartbreak feels like alcohol poisoning

It's extremely easy to give advice when you're happy. Not because you haven't felt pain, or because you want to discredit or diminish the person experiencing it. Our human minds are meant to forget pain; like actually. It's a survival mechanism (thanks, psych 101). 

A few years ago I had necrotising fasciitis (aka: flesh-eating disease). To this day I know it was the single most painful thing that I have ever experienced. I literally felt my body eating itself alive. I told the doctor's to let me die and I meant it.

Since then I've broken my foot, my nose, gotten multiple tattoos and had my heart destroyed (emotionally). When someone asks me, "Did that [experience] hurt?" I respond with something blase, "I had flesh-eating, this can't compare,"

Which honestly is kinda at least partly true. It was the worst pain of my life. Then again, when I got my shoulder tattoo - that felt like the worst pain I've ever felt. Breaking my foot, that was excruciating.

The point is, pain is individual and situational. It isn't a game and it shouldn't be considered as a challenge. 

Pain is felt in many ways, inflicted by many forms. Just because someone has experienced a situation that you deem to be "less painful", doesn't mean what they are feeling isn't justifiable to them.

All pain is real

I struggle with empathy for relational pain. It's fairly easy for me to brush off rejections and getting stood up. I have an entire life of [theatre] rejections to console me. I wept harder when I wasn't cast for certain roles than I have for the majority of my past relationships to date.

For the year or two that I had the blog, How To Lose a Guy in One Date - I was stood up constantly. Or had my date make up an excuse to leave almost immediately. Or maybe they just told me straight to my face they didn't think I was pretty, or interesting. Getting stood up has often felt like a blessing since then. This person realized before even meeting me that we're not the right fit! No one wasted their time and now I have a night to myself.

...but this isn't how the majority of people feel, and when I speak to this - it can hurt those I care about. 

It isn't because I'm a sociopathic monster (right?), it's because pain is individualized and managed by the person feeling it. Like those pain scales at the doctor - which are stupid by the way for physical pain. I think they're the perfect representation for emotional tragedy.

What is painful to others, may not even feel bad to me. Then again, my day could be ruined because someone at the grocery store thinks I'm rude for not hearing them say "pardon me," as I stand in the [organic] vegetable isle talking to my Mom about how much I love Scandal. This has actually happened. 

Also - it's "excuse me" before, "pardon me" after.

THAT'S WHY I IGNORED YOU. Your grammar is atrocious.

(Confession: In my capslock rage I spelled grammar wrong. We all make mistakes...)

Growing Up Is Hard To Do

You know - just like Blink 182 said, and they're the voice of my generation. They're my "how white my shirts should be".

Society is going downhill based on this statement and comparison of lyrical prose alone... because no, I did not mean Britney Spears.

I don't really have a way to end this. I think because there isn't a [good] way. This isn't a "kiss it and make it better," situation.

This is real life.

... and sometimes, it fucking sucks.