You can't sit with us!

RSVP’ing to a wedding is more than just following society’s dictation of etiquette. It’s a way of telling your friend, subtly that you would like to drink all the free booze they provide… because you just spent all your money on a ticket and hotel to meet your friend’s future spouse (who you have probably never met) and then have to pretend to find something in common with until you’re drunk enough not to care.

Love sounds so amazing when you put it this way.

On the other hand, when you don’t RSVP to a wedding … your message could be unclear. Do you not support the union? Do you just have “a feeling” the food is going to suck, and probably be all vegan? Is it too expensive to travel there? Perhaps your life is busy with kids and work and you simply forgot to do it … do you also forget to feed your children, or take them to school? Odds are this friendship was around way before you decided to have those tiny sacks of human flesh and using them as a continued excuse for your inability to show up for your friend… you think your kids are going to hold your hair back next time you get drunk on Tequila Tuesday? Fuck you Laurel.

Friendship over.

It’s one thing to not attend a wedding, that happens. They’re insanely expensive, people get sick, life happens and that is entirely understandable. What I’m talking about is that limbo-esc purgatory while we wait to send the final order to catering and now we’re ordering off the a la carte menu paying even more of a markup … so you know what? You don’t get a fork. Forks are fucking expensive.

If you’re going to act like a beast, I expect you to eat like one.

XOXO The Bride