Wedding speeches are a tired and tried tradition. I'd rank them alongside wearing virginal white, stealing something blue and that grotesque display of removing a thong-esc lingerie item with your teeth from your future spouse... in front of your whole family.
Asking to give a speech at a wedding is like ordering salmon on a plane, absolutely disgusting. So shall we not?
There is the brief occurrence, when someone you love and cherish has the eloquence and the wherewithal to speak works of genuine beauty... but who are we kidding, it's an open bar. That's one in a million.
I don't need your well wishes, don't give me advice when you've multiple failed marriages beneath your belt. Instead tell me of what you would have done differently, how you would have loved harder, how you would have changed your tone during petty arguments and how listening is the key to a healthy relationship.
So instead of all that, sign our guestbook... and raise a glass, to those could not be here, to those we'll always love, and those... we unfortunately, felt obligated to invite.
XOXO The Bride